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About Quest Journals

The Quest Journals are an opportunity for Shifters to share and document their own unfolding spiritual journey as part of the collective shift in consciousness. Personal introspections, visions and intentions, local Shiftivism adventures, community updates, dream journals, personal creations, art, poetry, music, videos, and more. This is a space for us to practice gonzo journalism and creating conscious media.

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The Awaking

Aloha all. This is Justin Lesh, and my first Quest Journal I hope you enjoy the journey of my awakening, and how i ended up on Paradigm Shift.

To get things started I want to talk about the beginning stages of my awaking. I was around the age of 15 when I picked up playing World of War Craft. I'm sure many of you have heard of this MMORPG being that it is the biggest one of it's kind. Well I started and could stop, I was heavily addicted and at the time I had not realized this. but now many years down the rode I can easily admit that I was addicted. I played the game for about a whole year, going to school half the time and spend many late nights pillaging away at the world of Warcraft. I had become so succumbed in the game I started to not enjoy reality near as much as the game. This lead me down the dark rode of depression I was literally stealing money from my parents to get a lead in the game. After I was caught red handed by my parents stealing from there bank account I was banned from computer use. Being so addicted I became severely depressed with the thought of suicide gleaming from within. I got scared and went to my mom for help, she put me in depression theopy and I went twice, first time was more an introduction to my therapist, she was a female that made it a little easier. Now the second trip I went and she asked me what was causing me to be so sad, and my reply was my emotions. She definitely wasn't expecting that answer and I'm guessing she wasn't a very trained therapist after what i tell you. She asked me few questions on relationships and things and we ended the session with her showing me pictures of her daughter that was about my age. I didn't wanna go back after. My mom was quite understanding after I told her it wasn't working. So for the next few years going into high school and all that i had made a new group of friends because of course the only I really had after that year were online. I got into drugs mainly prescription pills, i started dealing to get ahead and high. i had some really good times during those days but it wasn't treating the depression i was trying bury, only making it worse. i got away from that style of living and the emotions fell in. i dropped out of high school half way through 11th grade, and began playing games all the time, tell i was about 19 years old. I had a friend Jeffery who is still very close to me being we share such similar interest, but through middle and high school I did not associate at all. Anyways he hit me up randomly one Wednesday night and convinced me to go out to Pure night club for there Wide awake EDM night. So i went, It took me awhile to settle in but before i knew it i was dancing and LOVING it. i had so much fun and meet two more people that have been great friends sense Pit, and Chris. they knew Jeffery already and we ended up hanging out after at my place because my parents were very very chill and at 18 practically let me do anything i mean to an extent. well we got place around 2 AM and come to find out Pit had got some acid from someone at the club and invited me to try it with him and Chris for the first time. So of i course i did. Had some amazing experiences with them sharing thoughts on the world and talking about emotional things, we all laughed together, cried together, got angry together. After that night i seriously felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. i was able to feel good about waking up to live another day, but after about a month things seemed to be going backwards. I started to feel depressed and lonely and sad and even drugs would just start amplifying it after. so i did some research online about emotions and drugs and altered mind sets leading me of course right to Jordan's videos, Spirit Science. The blew me away i could feel that the knowledge i was getting was true and it awoke me. It shook me up down and all around. But right in the midst of discovering this knowledge my parents separated, it tore me apart piece by piece tell i was literally contemplating suicide again, and then my dad moved to Colorado because his dad had died but the brought him back so he wanted to spend time with them and i went. i got there we got settled in a house and both had jobs making decent money, But after abut 7 months I lost cool i had to do something to make myself happy because i knew at that i point only i could do it. i had about $700 saved and i bought a one way ticket to Hawaii a travel bag and a tent and set sail with only $200 in my pocket, so even if i got there and wanted to go back i would have to work my way out of it. at the time ny friend Pit had just done the same thing but had the ticket home already so i flew to Hilo airport on the Big Island of Havaii. i met up with Pit and we began to explore and learn the land what we could eat and all that fun nature stuff. but after only a month pit decided to fly home. so here i was only people i knew was who i had met that month. and man was i in for an experience. i stayed outside of hillo for about 2 weeks in the woods kinda struggling day to day, then i finally said what am i doing and packed up camp and set out to adventure. I went to the rainbow gathering on Kahana Beach and that was the most welcoming group of people i had ever been around, i had a blast for two days learning meditations, yoga practices, and best of all how to play a bongo. after the great time everyone got back to there normal activity's, well i was told about Vispassana it is a 10 day silent meditation and fast. i went to the library signed up and even had some one from the group give me a ride. so i started the first two nights went bad, but it was the third night that got me, every day at noon we would all do a group meditation and drink some herbal tea, still no talking, after that on the third day i returned to my tent. trying to meditate i could only focus on the depression they had been drawing me down for so long, and i broke i cried and and cried and cried i don't even know how long but it was awhile, then i finally calmed myself down, i started focusing on my breath like i learned and tuned into my heart beat, and that night i faced the depression first hand stemming as far back as the game i played, it was the core and i forgave my self for my doings and admitted i had a problem and from there i went through everything for the next 7 days finding all these little things in my day to day life that i had just not gotten over. but i did it i finished the 10 days and left feeling like a completely new re birthed person. from there i got to try DMT for the first time and had an awesome experience, i saw myself turn into a wave length of energy and was flying around for what seemed to be awhile but it was like 3 seconds. about 2 minutes after talking about what i had experienced i had a vision, a very very prolific one. i was a young boy maybe 6 or so and i was like in sleep paralysis it felt like i was aware and awake i could kinda look around, there was 4 torches lit burning a bluish white flame, i was cold very cold and from what i could sense i was naked laying flat on something. Then four hooded figures surrounded me, one from each side, instantly i got this overwhelming sense of fear trying my hardest to just say something, i couldn't. i remember the faces prolifically after the hoods were removed old men probably 70s or so one of them was obviously younger but not much. they were chanting in a language i have yet to figure out, and they raised a blade curved with a gold handle and some inscriptions i didn't see very well. at that moment i realized exactly what was going on, i was being sacrificed, i felt the blade stab me and on impact i came back to reality in a whirlwind of what the fuck, i freaked everyone out i was with and left. i went back to Hillo because seriously was about to try and get off the island after that it scared me so bad, but i couldn't find a job and spanging (street talk asking for spare change) was just not working. one day i was dicking around and walked down to underneath this bridge that goes into Hilo that i had seen before just never really went down and explored. it was like an old homeless community. there was a few mattresses a bunch of cloths and things, and then under a blanket i found this book that really struck my interest because the guy on the front looked very very familiar, why it was there i had no idea, but i took it. the book was The Eye in the Triangle, a biography on Alister Crowley. i had no idea who he was or anything but i set in and started reading the book, i got a little ways in and then realized, he became a free mason. and then it all made sense, i was seriously in shock that i was now reading a book about one of the men i had just seen in my vision. i had to read this book i knew it. so i did and found out the horribly disgusting things the masons did to children. from there i was lead down into Wypo Vally. i ended up staying on a taro farm there working for about 4 months, and before i left i made the 10 mile hike on the kings trail to Wymonu Vally.i spent the night there and had a wonderful connection to mother earth and on the way back i was climbing down back into Wypo Vally, and the kings trail is about 20 cut backs to get up the side of the vally so there pretty skinny trails at some points, well i slipped and slid down probably a few 100 feet or so to the next cut back and slammed the ground hard almost rolling off the next dip but i didn't, thank god. i lied there for awhile catching my breath and realizing i was still alive (I seriously thought i was screwed) but i made it. after that i said my farewells to everyone on the farm, making my way back to Hilo. first day back one of the houseless guys told me he has a job if i want it. of course i took it, i worked for this older gentleman John was his name but he was retired and had some land he needed help getting ready to build some houses, so i went and worked with him telling him that i was trying to get money to get home and he was so happy to see i was actually trying to work to get back and payed me about 20 and hour sometimes more. So i worked for a bit and eventually had enough to by me a ticket back to Colorado. and that's the story of how i found myself on a spiritual divine love driven awaking. I hope you enjoyed reading and ill be back at it soon enough, sharing some more stories and also as new ones as everyday it seems a lot of us are have some type of spiritual things going on and i cant wait to hear and read about yours. <3 Namaste.


 
                           

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  • Happy to hear you kicked WoW. I had to realize I was addicted too. Almost missed my children growing up. Since you have tried DMT I would suggest finding an Ayahuasca or Santo Daime circle. It's much more gentle but can take you to the same realm. DMT is fire medicine and Ayahuasca is water medicine. The plant combination really helps with the experience and awakening. None of these circles are advertised but one can find a ceremony by attending "drum circles" and meditation groups. Travel safe in the love and the light :)

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