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Well it's a new moon again, this time in leo. Seems like time is just flying by now..which is good for manifesting but some of us might feel like we're being left behind or not doing enough. I know I do at least! The past couple weeks have been rough for me as it probably has been for some of you. You can notice the energy and your emotions going up and down like a roller coaster and it's a bit hard to hold on. I don't know what any of your experiences have been like but I have went through my shadows and fears these past couple weeks. Rough! It's hard for me to even talk about but I will because there is no reason to hide myself. Getting this off my chest and letting people know what I've been going through will help me but could also help you in some way. Even if it's just realizing you're not the only one going through hell to reach heaven. These past couple weeks I have fallen back into fear. Fear that others won't like me. Fear that I won't ascend with the rest of you. Why would I stay in fear when I know love can conquer it? My biggest triggers into fearful and negative states are what I think other people think of me and rejection.
Its crazy for me too because most of the time this fear and anxiety I have is complete illusion but it can seem so real to me. These negative fears and feelings keep repeating over and over until I believe it. This is where it gets dangerous because when you start believing the illusion everything seems against you. For example I could be talking to you and if your face has a weird look to it I will assume there is something about me you don't like. It can also be were I assume I hear you thinking something bad about me in my head when actually its my own shadows and fears fighting me on a spiritual level. Anyways these fears and shadows along with spending time with someone in a deep depressive state convinced me to relapse when I had been clean off of hard opiates. I am so ashamed of myself and that I allowed myself to fall into this trap again. At least the past couple of days I have realized that I need to make a change in my life. I need to be confident and open my heart with love instead of closing it in fear. When you think about it everything I have told you.. as drastic as it may be is synchronistic. This is the lions gate on a new moon in leo. Leo is more a sign of your drive for life, your fire. I am realizing that I had lost my drive for life for a bit of time. I actually was thinking about commiting suicide there for awhile but now I see I needed to experience all this. To be triggered again by fears I have held onto for so long. To relapse and fall back into my shadow. To see this darkness so I can once again stand in the light with my fellow light brothers and sisters. I will conquer these fears and I will try my hardest to stay in the light and I hope whatever you guys may be going through.. that you can as well.
To end this I will do my sirian starseed tarot reading...
Seven of Chalices (upright)
This is the perfect card for everything I just talked about and this will probably relate to you in some way.
It's important to look at how we get distracted of reaching our goals by temptations around us. Do we have a clear intention of what we want to manifest in our lives and how are we working on that goal in this 3d world. What do we value most in our journey? For alot of us I'd say it is our ascension that we value most, so how can we focus our minds to reach this goal. I don't know about you but this is spot on or me. For me this says to not hold onto my fears and to not be afraid to dive into my shadows instead of running from them by numbing myself. I am going to focus on staying positive and sending love to anything negative that arises. Also to definitely stay away from people or things that I know don't serve my highest good!